That Wartime Mentality
How are you? Happy Friday. Long time since I've done one of these and I think that's indicative of where my head's at.
I've been bumbling around and lockdown played havoc with my weight.
A lot of that being because I got that wartime mentality.
I could be dead next week, could be ill, could be in hospital, and I ain't fucking going to hospital and dying without having a pint of beer.
Just Outside Target Weight
I've been bumbling around about a stone, stone and a half out of target-weight( between 6 & 9 Kilo) since March and not trying and giving it lip service. Weighed in at group last night and I was 16 stone three and a half, so it's half a pound loss. Sharon could tell from my body language that I just wasn't happy, and I don't know why. Considering where I was at 26 stone (167 Kilo)back in 2015, '14, '15, the size of me, the improvement and so much of me is saying, “I just can't be honest anymore. I can't be fucking bothered doing this.” When I express that, she said, “Oh, that says a lot about where you are because you're treating this like it's a diet, not a way of life.”
That's true really, that is true. I got into the way of life state at the end of '18 when I was at target, and it was great, and for 2019 hung around at target. I was two up, two down, two up, two down and I was living it and we were having fun, and life was good. Then I've reverted back to the old habit of drinking when I feel like it, not really taking pride in who I am, what I am.
Sharon said last night, “Go through and work out what it is and why does target matter? Why don't you just say, call it quits and be happy with where you are?” That would be so easy and in so many ways, I just want to go, do you know what? It's over, I'm staying here.
The problem with that is that I wouldn't. I would revert and I guarantee within two years, I'd be back at 25, 26 stone, fat, unable to walk, unable to breathe, on the way to the deathbed again. I'm not prepared to do that. So I spent this morning, a bit of last night, but mostly this morning, I had a word with Judy when I came in and I was down. Normally on Thursday nights, I would go to the offie, buy four or five cans, maybe eight, and finish those and have Thursday night, shitty night, drink, crisps, chocolate. I didn't last night, I had a really healthy meal, sorted my head out. I did have a pint of Vimto fizzy water with a gin in.
I didn't really enjoy it, so I shan't be doing that again, but it was a drink and so it made me feel better. Tom's home at the weekend. We're going to have Sunday roast on Saturday. I'm out P to P. So I'm prepping up here. I've got an early morning start Saturday, and then the usual two day trip to Aberdeen Sunday, Monday. I'll talk about that a bit in as well.
Look At The Pros & Cons/ Re-define Your Why
So why do I want to get back to target?
Number One,
because I know that's where I should be with my weight, and I know that I can maintain it and be happy.
Number Two,
I've got a wardrobe full of clothes that I love wearing, that feel good, that makes me feel good, that fit and are comfortable. They don't fit where I am now, comfortably. I can squeeze in and there are buttons straining and I don't like that feeling of being constrained by my clothes, but I ain't throwing them all away and buy another 12 fucking shirts at God knows how much and spending 60 quid on a pair of strides that are two inches bigger than the ones I've got now, not doing it. I'm still in 34-inch jeans, but now they're Jacomo, not Wrangler or Levi. So if I went to 34-inch Wranglers, I can't get in them. I've got them a pair of 32-inch Pepes, from when Tom was born, I think I got those, when I was still fixing and I can wear those and I feel great in those, but I can't get them on now. Well, I can get them on, but I can't bend over, can't bend my leg. So I really need to …
Number Three I
s it worth it?
Honestly, is getting back into it, worth it?
Answer, too right. Absolutely, it is.
What's the downside?
Well, there isn't one. Apart from the fact that I can't be a drunken pig!
Not much of a downside, is it?
I know that I can maintain target and still have a drink once a week and go out to the pub and do normal things and have a pizza with Judy at the Gelsmoor …
So if I know that by making good choices and living with clean, healthy habits and good food and not getting pissed all week.
I think one of the things I'm struggling with at the moment is going from days to nights and back to days, I'm not getting regular periods where I've got no food in my system. So that's impacting weight loss, but I've addressed that. The other thing I wasn't doing is measuring daily milk input. So, I've gone back to having a line on my bottle and that's my milk for the day. It's those little things that you forget about, it's the little measures. It's the little being honest, being honest with yourself.
Understand This Though
Nobody else gives a fuck.
Nobody gives a flying fuck whether I'm thin, fat, or anything.
They {whoever THEY ARE } don't give a shit about you.
The only people that matter, the only person that matters, the only person this really bothers,
Is you.
If you can honestly look yourself in the mirror and say, “Yeah, I'm good with that.” Fine, fucking get on and live.
But don't fool yourself.
I've been fooling myself for probably the last four, five months, paying lip service to it, doing 80% of what I need to do.
But the other 20% has been a fucking car crash. Not any more.
So, why?
- Number one, I can.
- Number two, I really want to.
- Number three, I am not replacing all those fucking clothes, end of.
Do what it takes. So no more munchies, no more secret squirrels, no more fucking secret parties with chocolate bars, no more getting to Kinross on a Sunday afternoon and having a couple of Cadbury's Wispas and a fancy coffee and an Eccles cake and then pretending it didn't happen and eating a fucking salad. What's the point? Who am I kidding?
Rant over, sorry. Didn't mean to go into ranty mode.
This is the only way I know how to do this. And this is the only way I know how to help you to do this.
Seriously, get honest with you. You can't do it for anybody else. It's not about anybody else.
Whether somebody else wants you to do this or whether they don't,
whether you want to do it to make somebody fall in love with you again or not.
The only person that needs to fall in love with you is you. All right?
Cool. I've got to go, get on with my ham wraps. Get ready for another two day trip to Aberdeen. I love that trip, fucking easiest work I've ever done and it pays really well. I'll speak to you soon, you take care. Have a great weekend, enjoy doing what you're doing and we'll speak to you soon.
Now Remember – I Can Help
I can really help you on the route to acquiring and developing the best mindset moving forward, okay?
Look me up.
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